I have this mental block that for me to communicate well, I have to fully think through it before I say it out loud to somebody. Where this leaves me? Spending lots of time in my head.

Overthinking how I’m feeling, why that may be, if that’s a valid way to feel, what I want to do with this feeling. This cycle spins over and over exhausting all possible reasons for what could have led to this feeling. There’s a hope in there. That if I can figure out exactly where this discomfort is coming from, then I can fix it really quickly.

But here’s the reality:

To interrupt the spinning cycle in your mind you have to have the courage to say it out loud.

Saying how you’re feeling out loud stops overthinking and invites a new way of thinking.

Over breakfast with my husband, I was sharing a vague feeling I was having in a friendship that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. As I poured some coffee in my cup, I started taking some guesses at what I was feeling. “Maybe it’s this thing, or maybe I’m…” And after my sweet husband listened to 3 or 4 of these guesses with such patience I said, “Actually I don’t think it’s any of those things.”

He smiled because he knows I just need to talk it through and then he encouraged me to get in my Bible and spend time with Jesus and there was where I found what I was really experiencing.

What this morning conversation highlights is this freeing wisdom: Don’t be afraid to get it wrong.

If you’re not sure how you’re feeling – Say it out loud. Just guess. You’re not looking for the perfect word. You are giving yourself a jumping-off point. This helps bring a little bit of clarity to the muddiness of what’s in your head so that you can hear yourself say it and begin to understand what you need.

This surprising strategy does two things:

1. By getting out of your head and allowing yourself to get it wrong, you realize it doesn’t mean you’ll never figure it out. But wrestling through the process to find clarity shows you that you can trust yourself.
2. It also builds intimacy in your relationship when you open up to someone about how you’re feeling even if it’s not fully thought through. Letting someone into your half-baked thoughts allows you to trudge through it together and that’s an honor to be let in in that way.

Guesses are allowed.

Getting it wrong is okay.

Please just don’t say these three words: “I don’t know”

That’s going to leave you stuck in place.

🚀 Give yourself a launching pad with a guess.

This can be done by yourself or, as you heard in my story, I spoke this out loud to another person. I see this with my clients too. After we talk things through, their awareness is heightened and they say things like:

– “Now that I’m talking it out, I think the real problem is…”

– “It seems so clear now.”

– “Ohhhhh, that’s it. I just said it. The missing piece.”

Solutions (even obvious ones) seem unclear when you’re smack dab in the middle of confusion. There is 0 expectation you have to figure things out by yourself.

What would be possible for you if you could organize the goodness that feels like chaos in your mind? Schedule a connection call with me where we’ll do just that.