They cut me off abruptly, “Taryn, do you trust yourself?”

I had never heard these words strung together. What did that even mean?

“Uhh, I think so…”, I uttered back.

What I should have said was, “I have no idea, how would I know if I didn’t?”

If you’re anything like me, this was a brand-new concept.

So… what is self trust?? It’s believing you will be kind and compassionate with yourself when you do hard things regardless of the outcome.

You might be wondering, how is this different from self esteem or self-confidence.

Well, self-confidence in situational trust in your abilities. Whereas self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself and being able to trust your inherent worth or value. Self-trust is your willingness to take risks because you know you can rely on your judgments, and make decisions with your best interests in mind.

This one question sent me on a multiple-year journey of first uncovering what self-trust was, how it showed up for me and ultimately the rebuilding process of gaining self-trust.

Here’s the list I wish I would have had, and yes, I did ALL of these things.

Here are 9 signs you don’t trust yourself:

1. Second-guess your decisions, which leaves you indecisive.
2. Want to do the ‘right’ thing or make the ‘perfect’ choice because you don’t want to make a mistake.
3. Overthinking is your default setting It almost never shuts off.
4. Lack of confidence cripples you from moving forward.
5. You have unhealed gaslighting, trauma or abuse in your past.
6. Emotions are analyzed to decide if they are valid before feeling them.
7. You seek out and value other people’s opinions more than your own.
8. You don’t advocate for your own ideas even when you know they could work.
9. Procrastination is a consistent struggle.

I lived this 👆🏽 yet I called it “normal”, “making wise decisions” and “being considerate”. Ouch.

Friend, if you found yourself in some of the signs listed, hear this: Building trust is a skill. It’s overcomeable. You can learn it!

Having trust in yourself means knowing you make good choices.

You are comfortable with all of your emotions; you’re not afraid of what’s inside you.

Your opinion of yourself matters more than someone else’s opinion of you. 

You are compassionate and kind to yourself regardless of outcomes.

Your feet are firmly planted and don’t waver with the wind. 

I kept this idea at an arms reach for a long time because of two fears. 

1. I thought self-confidence could easily turn into pride and arrogance, two things I did not want to be.
2. I confused humility with making myself small. Self-trust and reliance on Jesus are not opposites. Because of our relationship with Jesus, we get our strength from His strength. Our wisdom comes from Him. Discernment is felt in our body through the Holy Spirit.

Self-trust says: Since God says I can approach Him confidently (Hebrews 4:16), then He wants me to BE confident.

It trickles down, confidence from God allows you to trust yourself more fully. And when both of these things happen, your relationships feel the impact.

In fact, you subconsciously choose different relationships when you show up embodying your worth. Isn’t that the design anyway? To know your value and worth so deeply that self-doubt can’t strip it from you.

You deserve to have unshakeable self-trust.