Every single human on the planet desires intimacy. So what is true intimacy? And why is it so hard to feel? Because, friend, it’s loads more than just sex. In fact, sex can flat out lack intimacy.
Intimacy is a closeness.
Closeness can happen physically like cuddling or intercourse. Emotionally through vulnerability and storytelling. Intellectually through riveting conversation. And spiritually as a couple explores how God is moving in their individual character and relationship.
In my dark years where I was living in the impact of trauma but hadn’t yet peeked behind the curtain and validated my experiences, I would settle for sex as the utmost epitome of intimacy with another person. And because intimacy is a core human desire, I wasn’t sure how else to achieve closeness unless it looked physical.
Fast forward a few years and trauma resurfaced in the form of flashbacks and triggers, seemingly overnight. Now, my fallback formula of “intimacy = sexual touch” was the last thing I desired. Instead, during this time, I was forced to develop other pillars of intimacy with the main one I leaned into being emotional. This was anything but a smooth transition. Emotional vulnerability to me equated with letting someone in close enough to know that I didn’t have it all together. Back up, that’s a little too close.
I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum. Believing that pleasurable intercourse is the pinnacle of intimacy. And at the other end, avoiding sex because of triggers and past experiences. Neither end fulfilled my insatiable desire for closeness with another human until I hopped off that spectrum, and instead invested in other ways of building intimacy.
I get it. Whatever end of the spectrum you’re on — constantly looking for instant, deep intimacy or avoiding closeness like the plague — you can reshape the ways in which you experience intimacy.
Join the three day email mini-series ALL. ABOUT. INTIMACY. For three days, you can expect to do a mini deep dive into how to build satisfying intimacy in your relationships. It will include:
I won’t ask you if you’re in because you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want to see a shift in how you feel close with others. Of course, I’m here for you. As a Trauma Healing Relationship Coach, let me be your resource. Don’t heal alone, we can walk through any piece together! Start a chat with me by clicking the chat bubble in the bottom right hand corner of this screen 😊
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